For a couple of days this week I had times when I wondered what would happen if I just gave up. Sometimes it gets so very hard to keep going, acting as though all is well when all is not well. So, what would happen if I just “checked out?” It seems like it would be so easy. I am so close to the edge so often. Just give up on the will-power to stay in this world that everyone calls sanity. I’m exhausted and, at times, I feel so alone. What would be done with me? I’d be hospitalized and evaluated, probably held on a 72 hour watch or whatever. I am really quite sure I am not suicidal so I would be found not a danger to myself or to others. My medications would be increased or changed and I’d be let go. Back into this life that is so hard to live, to tolerate. <heavy sigh>
A young woman decided the end of last week to share the story of her own sexual abuse as a child. So much sounds the same — the story, the tears, the anger. “Why didn’t my father protect me? He had to know!” She too walks through each day looking and behaving normal, like everyone else. She’s only been at this charade for about 30 years. But it wears on us.
I am not alone damn it!
You and Me and PTSD 